Supervised time between parents and children

The supervising person can be someone approved by the court, nominated by a parent and agreed between the parties, or someone who works at a children’s contact service.

Children’s contact services

Children’s contact services help children and parents to maintain a relationship where there is lots of conflict between the parents or concerns for the safety of family members. It’s a neutral location where children can be dropped off and picked up or where children can spend supervised time with a parent.

How supervised time works

Supervised time could be from one hour to several hours at a time, every few days or weeks. It may happen in the evenings or on weekends. This can depend on whether it happens through a contact service, which may be more restricted, or with a person the court has approved.

What a supervisor does

The supervisor must be present at all times when the children are with the parent and keep the children safe at all times. This means that if the parent is behaving in a way that upsets the children, the supervisor can ask the parent to change their behaviour or end the supervised time.

Supervisors may have to report to the court on how supervised time is going. They may have to give evidence about what happens during visits. The supervisor can also speak to the independent children’s lawyer, if one has been appointed for the children.

The supervisor should keep notes about when supervision happened, how long it went for, how it went and how the child responded.

Deciding to help with supervised time

If you are thinking about supervising time between a child and one of their parents or another family member, it’s important to:

• understand how supervised time usually works
• know what to consider before agreeing
• understand preparation for supervised time
• know where to get help.

What do I have to do during supervised time?

You need to be there at all times when the child is with the parent. You cannot leave the child and the parent at any time, even if there are other people there.

If the parent is acting in any way which might harm, frighten or upset the child, you must step in to protect the child. You may need to end the time the parent is spending with the child.

As the supervisor, you must make sure that the child is safe at all times.

Should I agree to supervise?

You need to feel comfortable and confident about taking on this role. Think about the following questions:

Do you support the supervised time?

Only agree to supervise if you agree with this parent having contact with this child. If you are comfortable with the child spending time with the parent, this may be an opportunity to help them build their relationship.

If you disagree about the parent spending time with the child, it is better not to supervise. Doing so may harm your relationship with both parents and the child.

Can you commit to the time involved?

Usually, supervised time will last for several hours. It may occur regularly – every few days, or once or twice a fortnight.

Supervised time can be short-term but it can go for many months. If the parent has a job, supervised time will usually happen in the evening or on the weekend.

Are you prepared to say ‘no’ to the parent being supervised?

This is very important. You may have to set limits on what the parent can and cannot do, in the best interests of the child.

You may have to stop the parent from:

• doing something which may hurt the child
• doing something which may upset the child or is inappropriate in any way
• being with the child if the parent is affected by drugs or alcohol.

This can be very difficult if the parent is your friend or relative.

If you are afraid of the parent, or can’t stand up to them, you are not going to be able to supervise visits. The court is relying on the supervisor to make contact safe for the child.

Are you willing to be a witness in court?

Supervisors may have to report to the court on how visits are going. You may have to give evidence against the parent if contact has not gone well. This can strain relationships, especially if the other parent is a family member or friend.

Supervising contact is a serious responsibility. Think carefully before you say ‘yes’.

How should supervised time happen?

To help the child develop a natural, loving relationship with the parent, time spent with the parent should be as normal as possible.

During visits, you should stay in the background as much as possible unless there is something that requires you to step in. You may want to develop your relationship with the child but supervision is not the place to do this. Stay out of the way but where you can still see the contact. This will make it easier for the child.

How should I prepare to supervise?

You can do things to help such as:

• be aware of any medical conditions the child might have and know how to manage them
• keep a list of handy telephone numbers, such as the child’s doctor and other important people
• know the opening times and any costs for places such as the local library, pool, museum, zoo or park. Have public transport timetables so you know how to get to these places
• keep paper and coloured pencils or crayons handy, so the parent and child can draw together.

Keep in mind however, that the parent should take care of the child (if they are able) and they should decide the activities that will happen. Your role is to give back-up ideas and supervise contact.

Do I need to keep a record of the supervised time?

Yes. This should include information about:

• the date
• how long the visit went for
• brief notes about the activities
• any concerns you have about the visit
• if the child enjoyed spending time with the parent and whether things went well.

Remember, your notes could become evidence for the court. Keep them in a safe, private place.

What can happen during the first stages of supervised time?

The parent and child may be very emotional. They may not be used to being together. Most children find contact handovers very tense. They can be grumpy or difficult at first.

With patience, the parent and child may work things out in their own way. Small issues which do not put the child at risk can often be worked through.

What if something goes wrong during supervised time?

You should tell the independent children’s lawyer (if the child has one) if you are concerned that:

• the child is not really safe during contact
• the child is so upset by the contact that it is not in their best interests.

You may have to refuse to supervise any more contact. As the supervisor, you cannot stand by and see the child come to harm.

Other support

Find out how you can get other support for parenting arrangements, child contact and child support.